Even though it was five years ago, I remember the question within the email like it was yesterday: “What are your measurements?”

The kind person who wrote the email wanted to knit me a sweater. Sadly, it took me forever to email back my torso measurements, but I sure was glad I eventually did, because a few months later my customized measurements turned into the famed CBC Sweater courtesy of Granted Clothing (no relation).

Kids CBC TV with Mamma Yamma

I was overcome by the sheer majesty of the custom-knit CBC sweater… the workwomanship that went into it… the quality of the wool… the little details like the wooden zipper clip… and the glove-perfect fit. I felt so bad that I had been nonchalant and downright dismissive about sending in my measurements that I promised the kind family that runs Granted Clothing that I would wear the sweater EVERYWHERE.

Desolation Sound, BC.

I’ve made good on my promise. In the past five years I’ve worn the CBC sweater in nine provinces, two territories and four countries. I’ve worn the CBC sweater on stage at folk festivals in Dawson City, Vancouver, Winnipeg, Antigonish, Yellowknife and others.

The CBC Beetle Roadtrip

I’ve worn it in rock clubs in Toronto, Ottawa, Montreal, and Austin, Texas. I wore it every day of the 2010 Winter Olympics in Vancouver. It’s been my uniform on the Tracks on Tracks train adventure across the country and the CBC Beetle Roadtrip.

Everyone wants a piece of the CBC Sweater, even in Drumheller, Alberta.

This fall, CBC Radio 3 listener “McS” knitted a matching version of the CBC Sweater for my baby boy Joshua. Suffice to say, I LOVE THAT CBC SWEATER (and my baby).

Baby Joshua in his matching CBC Sweater knit by "McS"

So you can imagine my shock and horror, when, on my recent book tour for The Lonely End of the Rink, I made my first mistake. I forgot the CBC Sweater in an overhead bin on a tiny Air Canada plane I hopped between Calgary and Edmonton on December 9.

The realization that I didn’t have the CBC Sweater slammed me in the chest like a rodeo bull as I shivered in a taxi in the middle of a blizzard on the way to CBC Calgary for an interview with the afternoon radio show. It was too late to turn back.

CBC afternoon show host Doug Dirks had seen my panicked freak-out missing-sweater tweets and brought it up in the interview. That caught the ear of Jennifer Stewart, who works for Air Canada in Calgary. She tweeted me and vowed to find the CBC Sweater and return it to me. That was over a month ago. IT WAS GONE.

The CBC Sweater on DNTO in Winnipeg.

During that time, Jennifer let me know that the sweater had actually been located in – of all places – Grand Prairie, Alberta. After that, the sweater made its way to Edmonton, and then down to Calgary, where, briefly in late December, just before Christmas, the CBC Sweater was actually physically in Jennifer’s hands. It was found safe and sound. Or so I thought.

That’s when I made my second mistake. Should I have the sweater mailed home, or take up Jennifer on her kindly offer to send the sweater on an Air Canada flight to Vancouver so that I could pick up it up at the airport when I returned from an Ontario holiday after Christmas?

I should have had it mailed home, because that’s when I made my third mistake. We extended our Ontario holiday. I missed the pick up date in Vancouver. By the time I got to the baggage counter in Vancouver after Christmas, the CBC Sweater was gone, apparently banished to the giant, bottomless Air Canada lost and found vat, located in Montreal.

There are so many lost items in this container that it apparently resembles the trash compactor from Star Wars. It is so massive, and so unwieldy as more and more lost items are tossed in, that there is NO PHONE NUMBER for Air Canada’s main lost and found. Not even Air Canada employees can call.

Folk on the Rocks, Yellowknife NWT

Jennifer was very worried. I had pretty much given up all hope. Another Air Canada employee who wished to remain nameless described the lost and found as a “black hole” swirling with more lost loot than Saddam Hussein’s bunker. IT WAS GONE.

That’s when my lifelong friend Megan Barnes stepped into the fray early in the New Year, letting me know that her ball-bustin’ linebacker-sized cousin Chris Bennett works at the baggage department of Air Canada. I still didn’t get my hopes up.

Two days ago, my phone rang at 6:15am.

“WTF?” I thought groggily, glancing at the number. Didn’t recognize it, didn’t answer it. The phone rang again. And again. I finally answered.

A gruff voice on the other end asked “Is this Moore?”

“Uh, no, you have the wrong number”. I was about to hang up.

“Are you missing a CBC Sweater?”

I bolted straight upright in bed, suddenly wide awake, whipping my cucumber sleeping mask from my eyes. “YES, YES!”

“So, your name is Moore”.

“NO! It’s Lawrence! And I’m missing a CBC Sweater!”

“We may have located the CBC Sweater. Come and pick it up today at the Air Canada baggage counter in Vancouver. Ask for Marco”.

Phog Phest in Windsor ON.

I leapt out of bed, pulled on a t-shirt and ran out the door. Realizing I was shirtcocking, I ran back inside and put on shoes and socks and stumbled to the car.

Marco and Dora were waiting for me at the Air Canada baggage counter with wide smiles. They pulled out a crumpled white plastic bag, that sure enough, inexplicably labelled “MOORE”. From out of the bag unfurled the CBC Sweater, missing for 34 days. My friend Megan’s cousin Chris had beaten the bushes and eventually it turned up.

Dora and Marco return the CBC Sweater at the Vancouver baggage counter!

THANK YOU to Jennifer, Chris, Marco, Dora, and everyone at Air Canada who tracked it down. Thanks to Doug Dirks at CBC Calgary, Megan Barnes, Granted Clothing, Allison Outhit (for the title of this post), and YOU for caring. You’ll see the rescued CBC Sweater on the folk fest stages this summer!

Related:

Top ten highlights of The Lonely End of the Rink book tour

Orca whales help celebrate 30 years in Desolation Sound

Upcoming events

5,812 kilometres. 30 events. 25 musicians. 12 libraries. 10 flights. 8 bars. 5 arts centres. 4 theatres. 3 bookstores. 2 rental cars. 1 lost CBC Sweater.

Yes, “The Lonely End of the Rink” book tour is complete. And I survived it! Here are my top ten memories of the last three months on the book touring circuit of Canada…

10. BC Sports Hall of Fame. If someone were to ever tell me, Canada’s #1 non-jock for the vast majority of my life, that I would one day launch a book at an actual sports hall of fame, surrounded by trophies and Olympic medals and jerseys, I would tell them they were crazy. Life is strange and wild if you go with the flow.

9. The bars. It was a thrill and a throwback to hold events in beer-soaked parlours like the award-winning Phog Lounge in Windsor, the kitschy Copper Owl in Victoria, the Gladstone in Toronto (thanks to Kevin Sylvester for the awesome onstage interview), the possibly perfect Pressed in Ottawa, and the legendary, amazing, 25-years-and-counting Amigos Cantina in Saskatoon.

8. The Ottawa Songbird Millionaires. If there was ever a perfect hockey team in the world, it was the vintage Songbird Millionaires of the 2000’s-era Exclaim Cup Hockey Summit. They were a huge inspiration for the Flying Vees because they had so much fun on and off the ice. It was awesome to see so many of them (amazingly) alive and well at the Ottawa launch.

7. Winter. My band the Smugglers had a rule never to tour Canada in December or January. I flew wildly in the face of such wisdom over the past three months, criss-crossing Canada in sub-zero temperatures, the very coldest being -47 in the howling prairie winds of Bruno, Saskatchewan (the frostiest temps I’ve ever experienced in my life). There were snowstorms in London, Calgary, and freezing first-time adventures in Kimberley, McBride, Valemount, and Fort St. James, but I made it through and truly appreciated the beauty and brutality of it all.

6. Fernie, BC. There’s something magical about this little town. I couldn’t think of a better place to end the road portion of the tour than in this snowy Rocky Mountain oasis for authors and readers alike. Thanks to all who filled Canada’s most beautiful library once again.

5. The catalysts. The stories contained within the new book wouldn’t have happened without a few key people: Rob Fleming, now a BC MLA in Victoria, was the kid who showed me the VHS tape of David Letterman reading out my letter on TV, a turning point in my teenage life; Johnny Hanson, now living in Lund BC, the lead singer of the Hanson Brothers, was the guy who showed me that music and hockey can co-exist; and Tom Goodwin, the founder of the arts-based Exclaim Hockey Summit, who urged me to form a hockey team of my own in Vancouver to “take back the game”. It was great to see Rob in Victoria, Johnny in Powell River, and Tom in Toronto.

4. The hockey cards. For whatever extremely generous reason, my CBC colleague Jo-Ann Roberts gave me her personally signed Bobby Orr rookie card at the book launch in Victoria. In Kingston, I was given a signed rookie card by Edmonton Oilers star Taylor Hall by none other than his mom! Thanks, ladies!

Taylor Hall's mom!

3. The musicians. Almost every event was made special by a vast array of independent Canadian musicians who so incredibly and kindly performed a song or two or three. I owe you each a deep debt of gratitude for sharing your music and your talent at these events: Bodhi Jones (Vancouver), Matt Lockhart, Rae Spoon (Victoria), Slim Milkie (Powell River), JF Robitaille (Montreal), Matthew Barber (Kingston + Toronto), The Matinee (Toronto) Crissi Cochrane (Windsor), Marty Kolls (London), Chris Page, Andrew Vincent (Ottawa), Maybe Smith (Saskatoon), Kristen Berkel (Bruno), Mike McDonald (Edmonton), KJ Jansen, Matt Masters (Calgary), The Good Ol’ Goats (Cranbrook), Red Girl (Fernie), and my wife, Jill Barber, in West Vancouver. THANK YOU!

Matt Lockhart performing at Victoria launch

2. The Gruesomes. It would be hard to impress upon you just how massively influential the Montreal band the Gruesomes were to me when I was a teenager. They meant EVERYTHING to me, inspiring me to form my own clone-band that went on to last for 17 years. Suffice to say, it was hugely exciting for me to reunite with three of four Gruesomes (Bobby Beaton and John Davis in Montreal; Gerry Alvarez in Toronto) on the book tour.

John Davis and Bobby Beaton.

1. CBC Radio 3 Fans. Wind, rain, sleet or snow. It all poured down across the country over the past few months, but that didn’t stop you. You were always there. In toques, scarves, and t-shirts. Offering cookies, cupcakes, beer, caramel corn, and baby gifts for Joshua. My deepest thanks to the legions of CBC Radio 3 fans, who, no matter what, made it out to these book events and were often in the front row. Your ongoing support and unflagging enthusiasm for music, arts, friendship and community is hugely inspiring. I can’t do this shit without you!

Thanks to everyone who came out to one or more of these 30 events, to anyone who bought a book, to the librarians, bookstores, media, promoters, Douglas and McIntyre, Killbeat, and the bar owners… thanks to all for what you do for Canadian culture.

Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, and happy holidays to all –

Grant Lawrence

PS. Yes, I lost the CBC Sweater. It was my own fault. I left it in the overhead bin of my flight from Edmonton to Calgary. Jennifer at Air Canada has been great tracking the sweater as it made stops in Grand Prairie, back to Edmonton, threatened to go to the giant Air Canada Lost and Found bin in Montreal (which apparently resembles the trash compactor from Star Wars), but the sweater is finally apparently en route back to Vancouver. I should be able to pick it up sometime after the holidays!

After braving extreme winter temperatures and warm audiences in the Canadian prairies, it’s finally time for the last chapter of book tour dates… I’m into the home stretch and happy to be back in BC in the beautiful East Kootenays. Hope to see you there, and thanks to all who braved temperatures as low as -47 in Saskatchewan and Alberta on the weekend.

Musicians at the following dates include:

Tue Dec 10 – the Good Ol’ Goats

Thu Dec 12 – Red Girl

Sun Dec 15 – Jill Barber

(no music act in Kimberley)

Praise for The Lonely End of the Rink:

“I hate hockey but I love this book” – Cory Ashworth, The Peak FM

“Grant Lawrence is a razor-sharp humourist” – Times Colonist, Victoria

“One of Canada’s leading storytellers” – Vancouver Sun

“Soul-searching, candid and clever” – Ron MacLean, Hockey Night In Canada

“Like David Sedaris in a Canadian tuxedo” – Boyd Devereaux, Stanley Cup Champion, Detroit Red Wings

“Heartbreaking and hilarious” – Angie Abdou, author, The Bone Cage

“It’s not always pretty, but this is a funny, poignant, and very Canadian story”. – Kevin Sylvester, CBC broadcaster