Even when I was a little kid, I knew keeping whales in captivity at the Vancouver Aquarium was wrong. Despite my misgivings, I’d still scramble and jockey to sit in the “splash zone”, hoping the cold salt water from the killer whale and dolphin shows would slosh over the glass and soak me.

It was when the magnificent bodies of those gigantic mammals exploded out of the water at their trainers’ behest, all for a reward of a meager mouthful of dead herring, when I felt the stab of guilt. It was painfully obvious that the animals were simply way too big for their tank.

“Look at the dolphins, they love it!” squealed one sopping kid, as the dolphins bobbed and leapt across the surface of their stage. “They’re smiling!”

Such is the curse of the dolphin. Just like belugas and, to a lesser extent the orcas, when opened, their mouths curve up at the jaw, giving the false impression they’re perpetually “smiling”, as if a visit to a Yaletown botox clinic had gone permanently wrong.

That “smile” also gives the appearance, especially to impressionable children, that these incredibly smart mammals actually somehow enjoy being held prisoner in aquatic cellblocks, where they are forced to do tricks for dead fish. You know in your gut that nothing could be further from the truth.

How is it even a fathomable reality, that decades after my childhood guilt, we still allow the Vancouver Aquarium to imprison cetaceans (whales, dolphins, and porpoises), in tanks hardly larger than an Olympic swimming pool? Our mayor has publicly spoken against our incarceration of whales. Last summer, our parks board voted against further captive breeding (what a disgusting phrase), but since the civic election, that ban has been sunk.

The aquarium justifies the confinement of cetaceans as research, and yet their website still clearly offers “dolphin shows” and “beluga shows” (to their credit the Vancouver Aquarium no longer keep orcas). The “shows” might well be more on the instructional side than the old killer whale splash zone antics of yore, but they are still marketed as performances, and you just know it all comes down to money: the cetaceans are literally the aquarium’s big ticket items.

To make matters worse, the aquarium has imminent plans to expand, which means even more loaner beluga whales will return to Vancouver. One such beluga was on loan for breeding at SeaWorld Orlando. Tragically, that unfortunate whale/sperm bank died from an infection caused by a broken jaw, which apparently came from some sort of altercation with other belugas. Excuse me?

According to the Vancouver Aquarium, the cetaceans in their command have been deemed “non-releasable by government authorities”. Even if originally rescued, these beautiful mammals do not deserve to be kept as pets and show pieces. They are mostly migratory, highly social, and keenly intelligent. In their natural habitat, most beluga whales are seasonally programmed to migrate thousands of kilometres, spending social time in pods of anywhere from three whales to groups of thousands. Think about a naturally migratory mammal in a fish tank. They must go crazy.

All that said, you can add my voice to the long list of critics calling upon the Vancouver Aquarium to end their long-standing, unethical, and hypocritical captivity of whales, dolphins and porpoises, and to release them into their natural habitat.

If these intuitive creatures cannot survive in the wild after release as the Aquarium predicts, they would at the very least taste freedom, something we all desire.

And you would finally know in your gut that for once, that “smile” would be genuine.

Read more of my weekly Vancouver Shakedown here.

“The snow is in Whistler, but the flakes are in Vancouver”.

It’s an unflattering phrase I’ve heard a few times, describing a social ill that is supposedly creeping into our behavioral patterns like mold in a grow-op. You’ve likely already heard about Vancouver’s not-so-nice social rep of being “unfriendly to newcomers” and that “it’s hard to make friends here”. Apparently these days, if you actually do manage to make friends and then make some plans, there’s a very strong possibility that your new Vancouver pals won’t even show up. This rampant condition has a nickname. It’s called “The BC Bail”.

When my friend Lizzy relocated from Toronto to Vancouver, she received advanced warning of the BC Bail. According to Lizzy, “the BC Bail is when you make plans, but know in the back of your mind you might not actually go through with whatever it is you just agreed to, then you cancel last minute”.

Lizzy’s lived in Vancouver for five years now, so I asked her if she thinks flaking out is still an issue. “Oh yeah”, she said without hesitation. Lizzy is the founder and producer of the wildly successful Rain City Chronicles storytelling event. It’s almost always sold out at venues across the city, yet an average of 15 per cent of ticket holders don’t show up, at $22 a pre-paid ticket.

“I plan for people to bail.”

“It’s just downright disrespectful to flake, and definitely a Vancouver phenomenon”, says Jay, a recently thawed-out transplant from Winnipeg. “Vancouverites take their reputation for being laid back way too far. No one can stick to a plan. Maybe it’s the lack of a real winter? In a Winnipeg deep-freeze, there’s real value in getting together with friends. In Vancouver, I’ve bought concert tickets for a friend and me, and have been stuck with the extra ticket when he inevitably jammed out. Not cool.”

Leigh moved here from Charlottetown, a city known for its close-knit community. Surprise! She agrees with Jay and Lizzy. Leigh feels it’s all about the better option. “When people make plans here, they wait until zero hour to see if there’s a better choice, or a cooler party. Then they bail. It’s so frustrating.”

Vancouver! What can we do about this abhorrent behavior? According to my friend Lauren, who wrote about the BC Bail on her fantastic blog “Grown-Up Party”, it’s best to get out ahead of the problem by not over scheduling. “I’ve recognized that I don’t like to have plans two nights in a row during the week. So now ahead of time I try to spread them out, as a pre-emptive strike on the BC Bail.”

Lauren also strongly believes that cell phones are a huge part of the problem, when all it takes is a quick, shockingly guilt-free text to bail on plans that may have been in the works for months.

OK look, as a guy who has lived in Vancouver my entire life, I’m willing to do my part to put an end to this ridiculous BC Bail stuff. In fact, I have plans to meet friends for drinks at a craft brewery tonight, and damn it, I’m going to show up. But then again… I do have three episodes of Better Call Saul on the PVR… and it’s raining… and I’m already in my boxer shorts….

Do you think the BC Bail is a social problem in Vancouver? Are you guilty of pulling a BC Bail? Let me know your thoughts in the comments below or tweet me! #BCBail.

Read more of my weekly Vancouver Shakedown here.

Now that the crumbs have fallen on the Westender’s jam-packed (and 18th straight) Best of the City issue, I hope it’s safe to serve up some of my own personal Best of the City picks, all in an effort to create your perfect Vancouver meal that won’t break your bank.

Best salad

For your starter, the greatest salad in Vancouver can be found right in the heart of downtown, at Finch’s (353 West Pender at Homer). The line up can be annoyingly long (though they do offer order-ahead service), the staff is cooler than you and they know it, and the décor somewhat resembles a garage sale at the end of the day, but once you receive that beautifully presented prosciutto and vine tomato salad with a hard boiled egg on top, circled by leafy green lettuce and sprinkled with cracked pepper ($11.45), all is forgiven.

Best taco

For your second course, behold one of the culinary reasons I was swayed to move to Hastings-Sunrise: Tacofino (2327 East Hastings at Nanaimo). The place is always swarmed, but I swear it’s worth it. All you need to do is get a seat, then order two fish tacos ($12) and a jug of beer. The tacos are stuffed with crispy local lingcod as fresh as if I caught it myself in Desolation Sound, complimented with cabbage, and salsa fresca – but hold the mayo (at least on my tacos). It’s a perfect West Coast treat, and yes, that’s Canucks president Trevor Linden chowing down in the corner!

Best pizza

For your main, let’s go to Main. Allow me to settle the age-old Vancouver argument once and for all. The best pizza in town can be found at a cute little hole in the wall on what was once one of the most notorious blocks in the city. Pizza Farina (915 Main at Prior, right beside the Cobalt Motor Hotel), famously “opens at 5pm until the dough runs out”. Farina serves beautifully thin, fresh, light, delicious pizza that should be scrumptiously enjoyed as soon as it comes out of the oven for maximum taste bud impact. Trust them and get the special ($16), with arugula on top, even if you can’t decipher any of the other Italian ingredients. Fair warning: if you leave their front door open, prepared to get yelled at.

Best chocolate chip cookie

For dessert, you should know that chocolate chip cookies are my favourite food, and I consider myself a life-long connoisseur. I am in constant in search of the perfect chocolate chip cookie. I have scoured Vancouver for years for the very best, and keep coming back to the same place. The all-time greatest chocolate chip cookie can be found at… The Dish (1068 Davie near Thurlow). Go early so they aren’t sold out, then sink your chompers into these absolutely delectable three-bite cookies ($1 each) that are fresh-baked every day, using oatmeal, lots of love, and a super-secret ingredient the owners won’t reveal. I’ve been known to buy two-dozen of these heavenly morsels at a time, and those cookies are one of the main reasons I was reluctant to move out of the West End.

Those are my Best of the City picks for delicious eats that won’t have you in a barrel and suspenders after paying the bill. Feel free to share your favourite quality budget bites with me on twitter, or in the comments section.

Check out all of my #VancouverShakedown columns in the Westender here.