You’re late…again. You’re rushing out the door, you’re trying to remember everything you need, and you’re stressed out. That’s when the person you’re with shits himself.

Such a sticky situation is just one of the many challenges of solo parenting, something I experienced with my toddler for most of the month of October, 2015.

I’m the proud husband to a successful touring musician. This fall season alone, my wife toured Japan, Europe, and Quebec, all while the wee boy and I remained home. It’s a bizarro role reversal for me: for 17 years of my life, I was the cool guy hopping into the van or the jet, zipping off to some exotic port of call in my rock band, hardly understanding or caring for the feelings of the people left at home. Now I’m the one looking longingly out the front window, while my wife climbs into the waiting cab, headed to the airport.

Within minutes of my wife’s departure, my respect for single parents skyrocketed as I grabbed for my toddler while he pranced along a windowsill. And before I go any further: there’s a big difference between “solo parenting” and “single parenting”. Solo parenting means your partner – the gods be willing – will return to resume their role. Single parenting means you’re on your own, just you and the kid, a commitment far greater than my temporary solo situation. I work with a wonderful single mom at the CBC, and my reverence for her has grown ten-fold.

Here are just a few of the challenges I faced as days grew into weeks while solo parenting:

When the hell do you have a shower?

Having not bathed in days and reeking like a dumpster behind a fish restaurant, I found myself Googling various mommy blogs, typing in that exact question. Some of the mommies suggested that you simply bring your toddler into the shower with you. But when your son yanks on your penis like it’s the ripcord to a parachute, that gets old quickly. One mommy suggested putting the baby monitor in the living room and the receiver in the shower. Was that a sly attempt to electrocute daddy?! In the end, I basically didn’t bathe for a month.

How to do you avoid packing like you’re out to conquer Everest for the simplest of day trips?

The sheer amount of stuff I needed to leave the house had me Googling “sherpa service Vancouver?” Not only was I weighed down with diapers, wipes, water and milk bottles, extra clothing, a bib, a rubber stick-on plate, cutlery, various snacks in Tupperware of tiny shapes, a haberdashery of hats for all manner of weather – and yes, a few cold ones for Dada – my toddler insisted on bringing every stuffed animal he owns every time we left the house. Dada was forced to make arm space for Snow Leopard, Owl, Monkey, Turtle, Hockey Man, and Hockey Duck. They all simply had to make the trek to London Drugs.

How do you avoid judgment?

My son mispronounces “cookie”. Instead, he calls them “doobies”. He constantly asks for them, everywhere we go. “Dada! Big doobie for Josh?” In an effort to effectively and easily communicate with my son, I answer, “Joshua, when we get home you can have a small doobie”. The other parents at the playground glare at me.

I would be remiss without saluting the grandparents, my sister, and our friends for their help. My son and I did indeed bond wonderfully, but allow me to admit this: when my wife finally stepped out of that cab, I practically shit myself with relief.

Read more of my Vancouver Shakedown column for the Westender here.

I hope this finds you happy and healthy for this upcoming fall season of 2015. I also hope you had a blast this summer!

After working a fun CBC event on Canada Day in Edmonton, and then hosting at the Vancouver Folk Music Festival on Jericho Beach, I was able to get away with my family for a fantastic road trip on the great “Circle Route”: around the Strait of Georgia, also known as our spectacular Salish Sea, right here on the south coast of BC.

We first took our very familiar route up the gut-churning Sunshine Coast highway, to our cabin in Desolation Sound. There, we celebrated with a summer deck party for friends and neighbours with a special acoustic performance by my wife Jill Barber and her brother Matthew (expect a new duets album from Jill and Matt in the new year, their first album together).

After ten hot, sunny, glorious swimming days in Desolation Sound, we crossed the Strait from nearby Powell River to Comox on Vancouver Island, where Jill and Matt also performed, and our son Joshua celebrated his 2nd birthday. Then we took a few more wee ferries to the always astounding Hornby Island, where I was able to make a few childhood nostalgic dreams come true by interviewing Casey and Finnegan creator and puppeteer Judith Lawrence (no relation) from Mr. Dressup for CBC Radio. (If this feels like deja vu, we met Judith last summer on Josh’s 1st birthday).

Next, we rolled down the eastern side of Vancouver Island (the coastal beach route) for our first-ever visit to the expansive Butchart Gardens, just outside of Victoria, where Jill and Matthew played one more show. Finally, we ferried home through the Gulf Islands to Vancouver. If you haven’t taken the Circle Route, I highly recommend it, especially in the summer… it’s non-stop beaches, views, fresh fruit stands, and oceanic wildlife, in our very own Mediterranean Sea.

And… I was able to broadcast (and podcast) that conversation with Judith Lawrence, along with a host of other interviews I collected over the summer, when I had the honour of guest hosting North By Northwest on CBC Radio One here in BC. I’m happy to report that I’ll be once again guest host the show in October (dates and times below).

I also inch (centimetre?) ever closer to completing my new book. I work on it every day, I swear! It’s a thoroughly soiled rock ‘n’ roll memoir of my touring days in the Smugglers. Expect a 2016 release for sure. We’re just hammering out whether it will be a spring or fall launch. That’s if my former bandmates will approve of ANY of it. *Gulp*

Besides a third book from me and a new album from Jill, the most exciting release we have planned is… a new baby on the way! Our second child is due right around the Christmas holiday. We’re very excited, and our son Josh points towards his Mama’s ever-growing tummy and says “big baby!”

Before that happens, both Jill and I will be cramming in plenty of events near and far. I’m totally thrilled to be making my first-ever trip to Nunavut, while Jill will tour both Europe and Quebec. All dates are below.

Thanks for the support and kindness, hope to see you somewhere down the road this fall or winter! Let’s have a beer or nine. I’m going to need ’em.

– GL

Grant Lawrence Fall 2015 Events Schedule:

Sun Sep 20, Western Canadian Music Awards, McPherson Theatre, Victoria BC. My sixth straight year proudly hosting this show.

Fri Sep 25, Historic Joy Kogawa House, 1450 W. 64th Street, Vancouver BC. Adventures in Song and Story with Grant Lawrence: an intimate and interactive presentation on storytelling. Grant will share his own journey from his early days as a songwriter in a rock band in the 1990’s, transitioning to an oral storyteller on CBC Radio, to his current status as an award-winning author of creative non-fiction. Grant will detail some of the adventures along the way that lead him to where he is now, his favourite storytelling exercises and tips, and how to best tell your own story or narrative. 7:30pm, admission is free, seating is very limited. Part of Word Vancouver.

Fri – Sun Oct 2 – 4, Alianait Arts Festival, Iqaluit, Nunavut (w/ Joel Plaskett).
Sat – Sun Oct 10 – 11, guest hosting North By Northwest, CBC Radio One (6am – 9am live radio in BC, streaming around the world).
Fri – Sun Oct 16 – 18, Whistler Writers Festival, Whistler BC.
Mon Oct 26, North Vancouver City Library, 7pm, reading and memoir writing workshop (free).
Sat Nov 14, West Vancouver Memorial Library, interview with Giller Prize-nominated author Michael Christie (If I Fall, I Die).

More details.

Jill Barber Fall 2015 Events Schedule:

Europe:

Tue Sep 29, Gerb de Nobel, Leiden, Netherlands
Wed Sep 30, Horns Erben, Leipzig, Germany
Fri Oct 2, Case o’ Crocs, Neuchatel, Switzerland
Sat Oct 3, Queen Kong Club, Neuchatel, Switzerland
Sun Oct 4, Brotfabrik, Frankfurt, Germany
Mon Oct 5, Privat Club, Berlin, Germany (open to the public, not a private show)
Tue Oct 6, Stage Club, Hamburg, Germany
Thu Oct 8, Troubadour, London, UK
Fri Oct 9, Stables, Milton Keynes, UK
Sat Oct 10, Sugar Factory, Amsterdam, Netherlands
Sun Oct 11, Roepaen Podium, Ottersum, Netherlands

Quebec:

Tue Oct 20, Cafe Theatre Les Beaux Instants, Sorel
Wed Oct 21, Granada, Sherbrooke
Thu Oct 22, Maison des Arts, Laval
Sat Oct 24, Les Arts de la Scène, Montmagny
Wed Oct 28, Maison de la Culture, Trois Rivieres
Thu Oct 29, Salle Alphonse-Desjardins, Rivieres-du-Loup
Fri Oct 30, Salle Pauline-Julien, Ste. Genevieve

For tickets and more information: www.jillbarber.com

—

Any questions? Please ask. Have a great fall!

– Grant

Last week, I had the utmost pleasure of visiting the sandy shores of Hornby Island. Hornby is considered part of the northern Gulf Islands, located about a half hour south of Comox, just off the coast of Vancouver Island in the Strait of Georgia (or what is becoming commonly known as the Salish Sea). To get to Hornby from Vancouver, it’s a three-ferry, seven-hour adventure, from Horseshoe Bay to Nanaimo, then up island for a couple of quick rides on smaller ferries, first onto Denman Island, then finally to Hornby.

The amazing race is worth it. Hornby is truly a rare gem, one of those places where you can just feel your shoulders relaxing as soon as your car finally rolls off the tiny ferry onto the island’s gently curving, two lane roads with nothing but a solid yellow line to lead you to wherever you’re lucky enough to be staying.

You may have heard the hyperbole: Hornby is “the Hawaii of Canada”. After experiencing the island’s spectacular beaches first hand, I can personally vouch that the so-called hyperbole is pretty darn close to reality, at least in the summer months. Hornby’s main beaches are broad and beautifully sandy, accented by sun-bleached driftwood logs that look like a giant art installation placed just above the high tide line. If the tide is out, like it was when I was there, the hard packed sand flats create football field-sized playing areas for people of all ages. And the water is really warm.

But therein lies the rub: Hornby is also no secret, which means there are a lot of people stuffed onto that little island in the summer. Arriving directly onto Hornby from my usual haunt in Desolation Sound was a jarring culture shock. By mid-afternoon, the island’s famed Tribune Bay beach was completely packed. I’m talking hundreds, if not possibly thousands, of bronzed beauties of all shapes and sizes, shoulder to bare shoulder, stretching out onto every inch of the white sand like lizards in board shorts and bikinis.

Posted signs say “no alcohol”, but there doesn’t seem to be any sort of police presence on Hornby. Everyone was tipping back while in states of half or total nudity, to the point where I thought the island would probably do well to drop the “b” in its name to match the increasingly frisky late-afternoon beach behavior.

Away from the sandy sexiness, there’s plenty of places to eat and drink, including the charming Ringside Market, AKA “downtown Hornby”, a dusty intersection with a grocery and liquor store, gas station, bookstore, ice cream shop, and excellent outdoor Mexican eatery called V0R1Z0 (the island’s postal code). Follow the easy winding roads around the island and you’ll also discover wineries, a bakery, a distillery, pub, and fish and chip shop, plus plenty of artisans. And kids are everywhere.

The idyllic island’s one dirty little secret is this: their fresh water reeks like rotten eggs. Sometimes you can smell it on the beach as well. But hey, if you don’t mind showering in it, brushing your teeth in it, and drinking it (it’s perfectly safe, it just stinks), then you’re that much closer to being a local.

When you’re finally forced to leave this made-in-BC paradise, beware of the unattended, honour-system ferry line up. I saw a load of young dudes roll up in car with Quebec plates, butting ahead of half the line up of cars (possibly misunderstanding the signs). As soon as they emerged, they got severely lambasted by a pair of Hornby’s finest, fully outfitted eco-seniors. It proved to be a pretty testy situation, but hey, who would ever be in a good mood when leaving such a special place? It’s a locale that you can find it right here, in our very own wonderful, watery Salish Sea. Why go anywhere else?

Grant Lawrence is currently guest hosting North By Northwest, weekend mornings on CBC Radio 1 in BC.